My close girlfriends are leaving Singapore one by one. I feel happy for them to move on the next chapter of their lives but I keep asking myself when is my turn? Next month will be my 11th year in this small island.
Sunday, 25 June 2017
Sunday night
I decided to make a new blogging experience tonight by getting out of my bed and sitting in a foodcourt near my house, enjoying fried oyster, my favourite local dish at 11 pm. Blogging definitely makes me feel relaxed and calm even though I'm just in my own world and noone reads my blog. Why do not so many blog nowadays? I have this blog, I also sometimes write my diary and the frequency probably matches that of blogging. I have an instagram with 500 + photos but I don't follow anyone and noone follows me. Only facebook is public but i have to admit that i hate Facebook sometimes. The only reason why I still keep Fb is to keep contacts with my friends. I seldom used Fb when I was with M. Time passes but I still feel guilty to him. No matter how much I think I'm honest to him, I hurt him. In this fast pace life, it's difficult to find someone who truly cares and treasures me for who I am. Thank you for being with me even for a short time.
Saturday, 24 June 2017
The joyful path of my heart
Dear Buddha,
Dear Thay,
After the Plum village retreat in May, I have seen more clearly what path I need to take in order not to feel lost. 2 years after the last retreat in Thailand back in Jul 2015 with a new Dharma name "Tam Dao Hy", translated as the joyful path of my heart, I seldom recited the 5 precepts that i vowed to uphold for the rest of my life. Now I've understood that knowing is easy and that practicing is extremely difficult and it requires self-regulation. I probably understood the teaching but maybe it has yet penetrated inside me. I have broken the precepts, I let anger, sorrows, jealousy, wrong speech, wrong action, wrong thought and bad seeds arise in me. I forgot to practice mindfulness, meditation, breathe in and breathe out, I live fast and try to keep up with the fast pace of life. Seldom do I spend time to contemplate, reflect on myself and think deeply.
How many times have I shed tears in front of Buddha? witnessing the ordination ceremony, the baby Buddha bathing ceremony or listening to the teachings. The sisters at Plum village told me that i might have some seed to renounce myself to become a nun. I have a strong belief that in the previous lives or futures lives, I may be a nun.
Now sitting in bed, I dwell in the short time back at the retreat when the inner peace was the only thing in me. I listened to the birds singing, the waves beating against the shores, the winds rustling leaves. I smiled inside and outside
Buddha and Thay you have sheltered me since I have consciously taken refuge in you. To me you are not just a religion, you are the light guiding my life.
I love this poem composed by Xuan Dieu. Until now have I realized and appreciated impermanence portrayed in his poem
Dear Thay,
After the Plum village retreat in May, I have seen more clearly what path I need to take in order not to feel lost. 2 years after the last retreat in Thailand back in Jul 2015 with a new Dharma name "Tam Dao Hy", translated as the joyful path of my heart, I seldom recited the 5 precepts that i vowed to uphold for the rest of my life. Now I've understood that knowing is easy and that practicing is extremely difficult and it requires self-regulation. I probably understood the teaching but maybe it has yet penetrated inside me. I have broken the precepts, I let anger, sorrows, jealousy, wrong speech, wrong action, wrong thought and bad seeds arise in me. I forgot to practice mindfulness, meditation, breathe in and breathe out, I live fast and try to keep up with the fast pace of life. Seldom do I spend time to contemplate, reflect on myself and think deeply.
How many times have I shed tears in front of Buddha? witnessing the ordination ceremony, the baby Buddha bathing ceremony or listening to the teachings. The sisters at Plum village told me that i might have some seed to renounce myself to become a nun. I have a strong belief that in the previous lives or futures lives, I may be a nun.
Now sitting in bed, I dwell in the short time back at the retreat when the inner peace was the only thing in me. I listened to the birds singing, the waves beating against the shores, the winds rustling leaves. I smiled inside and outside
Buddha and Thay you have sheltered me since I have consciously taken refuge in you. To me you are not just a religion, you are the light guiding my life.
I love this poem composed by Xuan Dieu. Until now have I realized and appreciated impermanence portrayed in his poem
Hoa nở để mà tàn
Xuân Diệu
Xuân Diệu
Hoa nở để mà tàn;
Trăng tròn để mà khuyết;
Bèo hợp để chia tan;
Người gần để ly biệt
Hoa thu không nắng cũng phai màu,
Trên mặt người kia in nét đau.
Trăng tròn để mà khuyết;
Bèo hợp để chia tan;
Người gần để ly biệt
Hoa thu không nắng cũng phai màu,
Trên mặt người kia in nét đau.
Flowers Bloom to Wilt
Flowers bloom to wilt,
Full moon turns crescent,
Duckweeds glean to split,
Man gathers to part.
Fall bloom’s hues, without light, fade,
As anguish’s etched on one’s face.
Full moon turns crescent,
Duckweeds glean to split,
Man gathers to part.
Fall bloom’s hues, without light, fade,
As anguish’s etched on one’s face.
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