Beijing Nov 2017

The 2 week trip in China is my annual year end vacation. No different from previous years, it is still last minute, ill planned since I had to move it 1 month earlier to accommodate my team’s leave schedule. I always thought that no matter how ill-prepared my vacations are, i can find ways to go through in any situation but China is no joke. Due to the government’s restrictions on many things especially no access to google, I am literally half disabled 😭

The first hiccup happened just after I got out of Beijing airport and rushed into the subway to the city. Of all the countries I have been to, China is the only country so far which requires belonging screenings in all subway stations. And my knife- the protection weapon was confiscated. I was upset not much because I didn’t have any protection but because it was a new knife i just bought recently to chop meats. The next problem was no access to Goggle so i had a hard time navigating around. Language barrier is for sure one of the biggest obstacles.

My first spot is a park called X near my hotel. It was a old style serene and greenery park where the locals do many activities. Old folks gather in pavilions dancing and singing patriot songs, Kids play recreational games, Couples do padde boats in the lakes. There is one thing which i find extremely amused and surprisingly people do that in all places where there are yellow leaves. They throwed yellow leaves to the air and took pictures. I just think it is so cheesy and dirty. The leaves were not clean at all. Anyway, i love the park for its serenity and tranquility. Kenen Ng’s instrumental music was played in the background. I sat on a bench, gazing at the xxx lake and practising mindful breathing, a perfect way to relax after the long flight.

The 2nd day, I moved to a new hotel which is near the center and the staff can speak some decent English. After checkin, i started exploring Being. I stayed in Bejing for 7 days so it was no rush. Public bicycles are so popular here so I took Mobike exploring around. I visited Temple of Heaven ( Tiantan park) and the Peal Market nearby. 

3rd day, I took a tour to the most worthy visited attraction of China- the Great world. The tour’s style is very similar to the Vietnam’s. They brought me to some markets and hard sold me. I quite like the tour in Melbourne that only took me to important attractions to save people’s time and energy. I visited the Great world from Mutianyu gate where i took a cable car to the top. It was so magnificent that I couldn’t find a word to describe how I was amazed gazing at 360 degree view. The weather was windy and sunny, making my hair disheveled. I spent 2 hours there walking to different gates, including some short breaks just sitting down and enjoying the breathtaking view. I took toboggan ride down and it was so fun, the chinese are so creative inventing this simple vehicle, cheap but interesting for tourists. After the Great world, the tourguide brought me to some traditional medicine center for 20 minute foot massage. I didn't enjoy it at all because they hurt my ears by telling me that I have blood clot issue and trying to sell medicine to me ?!?

Next day, I roamed around Tiennanmen square. I kept asking myself where the people are from, so crowded. I wanted to visit the Forbidden city but i got lost. I asked other foreign tourists and they told me they were lost too. Later I found out that president Trump was here so they closed this place ?! No announcement was made at all or maybe it was in mandrin. 

I returned to the Forbidden city the following morning and was very excited to get inside. It is a city in a city literally. It reminds me of all the scenes in the ancient chinese movies i have watched before. 

Update Oct 2018

I spent my Saturday night at the victoria concert hall to listen to Rachmaninov piano concerto. Going to the concert is one of my favorite activities for weekends. Sitting in a concert hall is sometimes like sitting in a meditation hall. I need to be quiet, observing my breaths, clearing my mind and simply focusing on the present.



There are several things on my plate now but I do enjoy the process. Just go with the flow and do my best. What will be will be.

Last weekend, I visited sis Lan and her new born baby Emma. Until when she was 3 months were I able to arrange time to visit them ( so bad I am). Emma was crying every time I held her. We haven't caught up for more than a year so we had a lot of things to talk about. She was pumping milk and we chatted nonstop.

Tram Anh travelled to Singapore and we only managed to go for 1 dinner. She reminded me of my adolescent years, too young and too impulsive.Luckily that I didn't do anything so crazy that I have to regret later.  Memories of the my wild youth flew back!

 

No mud no lotus

Thank you Buddha for sending your disciple to release me from my recent vexations. Just by looking at her peaceful smile, I already feel warmer. She knew I didn't practise with any sangha after the last retreat. She brought me to a vegetarian Japanese restaurant in Bugis. She shared to me about what she has done after she quitted her job and travelled around, her initial struggles, and buddha teachings. Nonattachment is a critical concept in dhama which releases people from all sufferings. I told her that I have been feeling uneasy recently and she keeps asking me a question which really makes me contemplating " are you looking for something?" yes it's true that I have a lot of things in my mind, conflicts, competitions etc. I admire her since she realises what she truly wants and what makes her feel happy and I know there is a long gap for me to catch up with her or get enlightened like her. Like the sisters in plum village, her words are beautiful and metaphorical. The mind may just be like rippling lake but deep down it's rolling waves if I don't know how to take care of myself.

 She is helping her family to build a kindergarten in Vietnam, recruiting teachers and setting up curriculum. She told me she wants to bring mindfulness into the school. It has never been her plan after she quitted her job. She believes in suprendipity which will probably take me long time to fathom. I do believe Buddha teaches people to let go all attachments but the influence is profound. 

She encouraged me to take a longer weekend and spend more time to go back to my own self. So I took urgent leave and cancelled the lunch that I promised to host my close girl friends who texted me loving massages that I need to be kind to myself.

 I focused on mindful breathing, meditating and reciting precepts. Spirituality journey is also like exercise. Waiting until falling sick do I remember to go back to my own self is a little late. I still feel hate myself since my mind keeps wonder around trivial things that make me disturbed. But when I write this entry, I suddenly remember that the purpose of mindfulness is to make me aware of my own self and not try to heal anything. Breathe in, I know I feel insecure. Breathe out, I know it's not easy to feel empathetic and compassionate for people who have different views from me. It's just another challenge set up to test my strength. Let it heal gradually, no forcing.

South Africa trip

Day 1: 14 Jul- Landing at the Cape Town International Airport

After almost 1 day long flight including transit at Addis Adaba, we landed at Cape Town in the afternoon. Walking around the airport, I felt as if I were in London. I mean Cape Town is not different from any western cities. Sis Hien told me : "next year you should volunteer in Viet Nam".
The representatives from the local volunteer group picked up us at the airport and drove us to the guest house where we would be staying for the entire trip.

Dropping our luggage at the house, we took a walk around the neirboughood which looked over the long beaches. I felt as if I were in a resort. We went to friday night market nearby and I definitely loved the ambiance. Food and drink were delicious and not expensive. There were a lot of free food samples and I ate a lot :P

I slept early that night but got a sorethroat and I didn't feel well at all :(o





Day 2:  15 Jul - Garden route lodge.

I was waken up by sis Hien at 4.37 am since my alarm somehow didn't work. The tourguide from Capextreme picked up us by car and we were on the road for almost 5 hours to reach Garden route lodge. I slept on and off in the car but still managed to get a glimpse of the sunrise through the van window. The view was breathtaking and romantic. At the safari, we got into a zeep for 2 hour game drive. It was freaking cold and windy. We saw lions, rhinos, ghee ta, zeebra, giraffes, elephants. The lions look very scary. I like the rhinos which are very huge and cute. The safari was an open large field with scattered animals so the tour guide had to search for them by chasing after their footprints. We also saw a which was killed by a gheeta per the guide based on the biting teeth. After the game drive, we had lunch at a nearby restaurant which had a beautiful view to the mountains. I ordered cream chicken pasta but only finished one third of my meal since it was too creamy. I enjoyed the english breakfast tea more and drank up the whole tea pot. After the lunch, we continued our tour to the elephant tour which costs ZAR600 just to play and feed an elephant not even ride on it. I guess i can get better deal in Vietnam so i decided not to join it and stayed at the tour house, doing some meditation and enjoying the quiet mountain view. I was entertained by the tour guide's 15 year old son who is very cheaky and smart. He made me a cup of coffee with milk and honey. I've never tried or thought of adding honey into coffee so this is a new discovery to me. My first thought is to buy honey after I get back to Singapore.

After all the safaries, we drove another 2 hours to guest house. We couldn't book any single rooms so we had to stay with other travellers who are all students in the dorm room. The age gap always matter and I feel old :(

I'm blogging while starving, waiting for the dinner.

Day 3: 16 Jul

I had a very good sleep last night, waking up feeling energetic and ready for a new adventure. After some light western style breakfast, we went on a 4 hour drive to Coven cave. It's called an adventurous tour and indeed took me a lot of calories. The cave was huge, marvellous and some stones were told to be 1.5 mio years old. I need to do a lot of crawls, etc... and i sweat as if in a gym. After the cave, i ordered ostrich steak for lunch. The meat is juicy and tender but too salty.

We headed back to our guest house in Muizenburg, ending 2 day safari trip. Overall, it was a new experience for me. The only problem I don't like is long hours on the road.

Day 4: 17 Jul

I had a pretty good sleep even though the light flu and throat inflammation irritated me sometimes. I wake up at 7 am, making some breads with omelette. I met Jeff who was making breakfast for his daughter. His daughter is below 18 so he had to accompany her. I miss my dad :( Thanks to him, I don't feel I am that old anymore.

Today is the orientation and I met all the volunteers coming from everywhere. I felt as if I were in a school tour. The program officer (I'm impressed that he can remember my name after I made 2 min self-introduction to the group) brought us around Muizenburg and explained to us everything about the volunteer work. I got to learn that the kids we will take care of have gone through harsh lives: they got exposed to drug use, violence, HIV, family member killed etc. The volunteers are expected to motivate, inspire and motivate the kids, not only be their teachers but also mentors, role models etc

We took a bus tour to Cape town. Safety is stressed multiple times during the orientation and we are advised to take uber even just a short drive. I had to hold my bag tight and refrain from taking pictures. I bought a nice painting for 2 elephants in red background for ZAR150 ( the seller quoted me ZAR400) which I thought of hanging it in my new Ba Son house. Later walking around the fair, i saw better paintings which have 4 elephants that represent my 4 member family 😂


On the same bus back to the volunteer house, i feel my cold getting worse so I decided to visit the clinic. Anh Nam escorted me; he is always one of my best friends who are there for me when I need them the most. It's a blessing i got from joining the Orchid group. The doctor was very kind and gentle. He gave me some pills to relieve my throat inflammation and some antibiotics in case my flu got worse.

Day 5 (18 Jul 2017)

Yesterday I probably had the best sleep as I didn't wake up anytime at night. This morning, the van drove us to the library where all the children gather together since it's now school holiday. From the car, I already see the kids smiling at us cheerfully, reminding me of the kids in Nepal. The kids probably age from 5 to 10+ years old, playing different things: football, badmidton etc. I couldn't imagine behind those innocent smiles are harsh lives. It's true that people's starting points are not equal. Personal capabilities and endeavours are just one factor contributing to their success. Doing volunteering work is to appreciate what I have in life. 

The girls got around me and were very interested in my long hair. They asked whether sis Hien and me are sisters. They kept touching my hair and made me a braid. The library nanies typically cook 2 meals for the kids in a day breakfast and lunch and the kids go home after 1.30 pm. I played with them, read books for them, teach them English and assist in the kitchen. The kids were excited to their meals but we hustled them into a line. Most of them are cute and well-behaved but some were quite naughty.

In the afternoon, i did laundry and went for hiking in the nearby mountain which i heard links to the Table mountain. The whole trip took us roughly 4 hours. The weather was not so cold so we all stripped out to one clothing layer. The paranomic view was so magnificent with ocean, mountains and entire city. The atmosphere is fresh and the wind is breezy. I totally enjoyed this experience.

Day 6 (19 Jul 2017)

I wake up at 7 am for the past few days and today is not an exception. Definitely sleeping in cold weather is the most wonderful time. I made instant noodle with egg for breakfast. Today we didn't go to library but to an open field to play sports with kids. While waiting for the children, I managed to meditate for a short time. The landscape was beautiful, the sun raising in the background, creating glitter on the lake, pampas grass swinging in the breezy wind, ducks swimming peacefully, birds flying over the water. Those moments are priceless and I treasure every second.



When the kids arrived, they just jumped on me. I noticed a girl named Kelly who is very shy. I tried to talk to her and played with her.
- Do you have a sister?
- I have a sister
- Where is she?"
- she is dead when she was 2 months

I'm speechless and asked no more. Silence reigns. She is so innocent.

Later i found out Kelly was very active, she can play almost every game. Looking at those children's innocent faces and happy smiles, I feel joyful; they remind me of the kids in Nepal. I wonder how they are doing.

When I was tired, I sat down near the bank of the lake. Kelly was very attached to me so she sat down with me. "
- What do you wanna do when you grow up?
- Iwant to become a social worker"
- what does a social worker do?"
- Social workers will take care of children when their parents don't

In the afternoon, we went hiking at the lion head. It was about 2 -3 hour trip. I like activities which helps me to focus and practise mindfulness such as  yoga, hiking and mountain trekking. My favorite experience was trekking in Stong State Park in Malaysia. I didn't blog about that trip but I'd remember some precious moments for life.

The trip is sometimes quite challenging. close to the peak, it is said that there were 2 routes to the peak: the recommended one and the challenging one. our group discovered the 3rd route called the wrong one. At the peak, the weather was foggy so i couldn't see the entire view. But i still managed to get some nice photos

Day 7 ( 20 Jul 2017)

Today the kids watched a movie in the library. I spent most of the time in the kitchen preparing food for the them. We cooked maize milk porridge for breakfast. I learnt several meals by watching the kitchen lady cooking for the past few days.  She used maize powder as main ingredients and added butter into the big hot pot. I had to stir the pot continuously until my arms got tired. After serving them breakfast, we continued making pop corn and hot chocolate drinks while the kids were watching cartoon. Unfortunately the kitchen lady was not really skilled at cooking popcorn so one whole pot got spoiled. The smoke covered the whole big room. There was not enough pop corns for the kids and I felt really bad when some kids came to me and said : " teacher i haven't got popcorn". " sorry no more popcorn, we'll cooking lunch for you soon"



The van picked up us early this afternoon. We went to Tiger's Milk to try beefsteaks as recommended by the program officer during the orientation day. I have high standard when it comes to steaks so this was not so great given the initial overselling from the guy.

We went to Cape Town for sightseeing and watched sunset at V & A Waterfront.

Day 8: Friday

Today is our last day with the kids. I like the kids' holiday program for its variety. In the morning, we walked to the beach just in front of our dorm house. As usual, it's  such a beautiful serene view with blue sea, white waves and long beaches in the south, marvellous mountains in the north, colorful cottages on the white sand. Grown up in a coastal town, I always think i'm a daughter of mother sea. Gazing at the sea, my mind is purified; all the junk thoughts are removed from my head. For some moments, there are just me, the waves, and the sea.

The kids were excited and stripped off their clothes, jumping to the beach in front of our amazement. Their whole bodies were actually shaking becoz of the cold weather but their excitement defeated the coldness. Some kids built sand cattles. I always find kids's imagination colorful and fascinating. 

We distributed hotdogs and snacks to the kids for their lunch. Some were really naughty, kids are probably always fighting for more food.

I always had to resist my tears when it's time for saying goodbye. Looking at the kids waving us from the van, I realize no matter what's their skin color, kids' eyes are always sparkling like gems and their smiles are as joyful as sunflowers.

we went to Table Mountain in the afternoon. It is one of the new 7 natural wonders in the world, attracting a lot of tourists. The queue to the cable car was extremely long even though the ride just took us 5 min. The cable car was interesting since it can auto rotate passengers to offer them 360 degree view.

The peak is one of the most beautiful scene I've ever experienced. Love it :)

Day 9: Saturday

It is our last day and we joined a tour in Cape Town. Among all the places we visited, I was very excited at the Cape of Good Hope.

Day 10: We headed back to Singapore, our routine life :(

Finally, the fifth continent is ticked. I wouldn't be able to make this wonderful trip without my companions A Nam, c Hien and Juliana. ❤️ you all :)

Yellow belt

The taekwondo teacher gave me a yellow belt today after he allowed me to pass the first grading. The yellow belt definitely looks better on me as I usually looked quite dull dressing in white from top to bottom. My first class was in May 14th, 2017 and I totally felt in love with this martial art. I also felt thankful to my regular gym classes over the past few years which have tremendously improved my strength, core, and durability. My colleagues called me the gym freak. Exercise and reading books are probably my daily rituals which would make me fell restless and jaded mentally and physically if I skip them any day.

I like Neil and his teaching style. He is quite strict, passionate and sarcastic. He teaches us manner and discipline. His class is a combination of math, physics and philosophy which interest me greatly even though I don't know sometimes what he is talking about especially when I feel fatigued and I usually forget the next day, same as my piano classes. Until almost 8 lessons over 1.5 months did I manage to remember 5 skills of taekwondo which he repeats multiple times: timing, speed, technique, balance, and recovery. I really need to work on improving power of my kicks and punches. Today's class is probably the most intense since I joined, a lot of cardios, burpees and punches to pads. Now both my arms are aching and I barely could write any word properly. But i really feel good and strong :)

Sunday night

 I decided to make a new blogging experience tonight by getting out of my bed and sitting in a foodcourt near my house, enjoying fried oyster, my favourite local dish at 11 pm. Blogging definitely makes me feel relaxed and calm even though I'm just in my own world and noone reads my blog. Why do not so many blog nowadays? I have this blog, I also sometimes write my diary and the frequency probably matches that of blogging. I have an instagram with 500 + photos but I don't follow anyone and noone follows me. Only facebook is public but i have to admit that i hate Facebook  sometimes. The only reason why I still keep Fb is to keep contacts with my friends. I seldom used Fb when I was with M. Time passes but I still feel guilty to him. No matter how much I think I'm honest to him, I hurt him. In this fast pace life, it's difficult to find someone who truly cares and treasures me for who I am. Thank you for being with me even for a short time. 

My close girlfriends are leaving Singapore one by one. I feel happy for them to move on the next chapter of their lives but I keep asking myself when is my turn? Next month will be my 11th year in this small island. 

The joyful path of my heart

Dear Buddha,
Dear Thay,

After the Plum village retreat in May, I have seen more clearly what path I need to take in order not to feel lost. 2 years after the last retreat in Thailand back in Jul 2015 with a new Dharma name "Tam Dao Hy", translated as the joyful path of my heart, I seldom recited the 5 precepts that i vowed to uphold for the rest of my life. Now I've understood that knowing is easy and that practicing is extremely difficult and it requires self-regulation. I probably understood the teaching but maybe it has yet penetrated inside me. I have broken the precepts, I let anger, sorrows, jealousy, wrong speech, wrong action, wrong thought and bad seeds arise in me. I forgot to practice mindfulness, meditation, breathe in and breathe out, I live fast and try to keep up with the fast pace of life. Seldom do I spend time to contemplate, reflect on myself and think deeply.

How many times have I shed tears in front of Buddha?  witnessing the ordination ceremony, the baby Buddha bathing ceremony or listening to the teachings. The sisters at Plum village told me that i might have some seed to renounce myself to become a nun. I have a strong belief that in the previous lives or futures lives, I may be a nun.

Now sitting in bed, I dwell in the short time back at the retreat when the inner peace was the only thing in me. I listened to the birds singing, the waves beating against the shores, the winds rustling leaves. I smiled inside and outside

Buddha and Thay you have sheltered me since I have consciously taken refuge in you. To me you are not just a religion, you are the light guiding my life.

I love this poem composed by Xuan Dieu. Until now have I realized and appreciated impermanence portrayed in his poem

Hoa nở để mà tàn
Xuân Diệu

Hoa nở để mà tàn;
Trăng tròn để mà khuyết; 
Bèo hợp để chia tan;
Người gần để ly biệt
Hoa thu không nắng cũng phai màu,
Trên mặt người kia in nét đau.

Flowers Bloom to Wilt

Flowers bloom to wilt,
Full moon turns crescent,
Duckweeds glean to split,
Man gathers to part.
Fall bloom’s hues, without light, fade,
As anguish’s etched on one’s face.

Short vacation Apr 2017

Dear Blog,

Tonight is the last night I sleep in my room sweet room before flying back to Singapore tomorrow :( Needless to say how sad I am since the vacation is always too short.

Finally, I've signed the official sales contract for my first property at Ba Son. Too much energy, effort, time and especially emotion have been spent for this house. Anyway, this is just the first step and it's time i should get myself accustomed to property investments. Don't forget High risk high return :P

Vung Tau does not change much. I still have the same opinion for the past 12 years. Anyway, it does not matter whether my view is objective since Vung Tau is always nostalgic to me. My cousin and I were riding our mopeds along Bai Sau streets and we decided to take a look at some new built apartments developed near the beaches. The location should be good since having a house near a beach with sea view is just within imagination. Now in my room and typing these words, the feeling when I was in that room with sea view is sort of mesmerizing. The water is crystal clear, the wind is breezy as if I were in a resort.

A little sad that Mommy is in Nha Trang this week so I didn't have much time with her. Instead i did a massage to daddy just now and he seems quite pleased. I keep giggling to myself everytime i recalled his text " When you were a little girl, you still read Tho lau di cau, now you almost reach 30 and own a property " Daddy is so lovely <3

Time to sleep. Goodnight!

Wisdom teeth extraction

Finally, today Monday April 3rd,2017 is the day I've undergone wisdom teeth extraction after many times procrastinating. If my memory is good enough, I've had gum infection more than 3 times over the past few years and each time lasted for 1 week. My gum was swollen and I barely could eat or work.

The dentist advised me to have the upper and lower teeth removed on the left side first so that I can still chew food on the right side. After taking the x ray of my mouth, the dentist injected local anaesthetic to numb my teeth and surrounding area. I felt a little discomfort and my lip on the right side turned numb. The dentist was very kind, soft and advised me all the steps she was going. She kept calming me down, reminding me to take a deep breath, breathe in and out normally so that I didn't get so intensed and stressed out. She asked the nurse to hold my face firmly and she pulled out the upper teeth very fast. I felt some pressure, heard the sound that tooth was pulled out in some seconds but literally no pain. The first tooth was gone very fast!

The lower tooth is more complicated since it's half covered by my gum and they need to do surgery. This time they covered a cloth on my eyes (not sure the purpose though). It seems to take double the time compared to the upper tooth but this time I had no clue when the tooth was taken out until the dentist told me it's done and i was doing well :)

While waiting outside for payment and medicines for about 10 minutes, I still managed to kill waiting time by reading newspaper. I was thinking whether i should take taxi or MRT to go home. I also enjoy playing with my removed wisdom teeth which look so cute haha but I was not aware that the upper one has shown some sign of decay with stain around the enamel and fissure decay formed in the grooves. When standing at the reception, I started feeling dizzying and felt down unconscious in the clinic. The nurses helped me sit down and gave me water. I can feel my face was sweating but my body was cold. After that I felt nausea and vomited (it's all the chocolate cheese bread I had for the breakfast). Dr Cheng came down to see me, calm me down as he has been so for the past few years I trusted him for all dental issues and advised me that I was maybe too stressed out.

I went home, eating some vegetables, taking painkiller and antibiotics, sleeping for almost 2 + hours. Luckily I haven't felt pain yet.

So that's the story about my wisdom teeth removal. I still have one upper tooth on the right side to be removed, the lower one is still covered inside the gum. ( I didn't know it exists until today :P)

New Year 2017

Dear Blog,

I probably don't need to confess to you how terrible I am when I didn't manage to post any entry in 2016. Anyway, I can't undo 2016 so now comes the first post in 2017.

I started 2017 with some not so good news but it's my choice and also the result of karma. There is only one person to blame and that is myself. 

In the new year, I promise myself to keep up with good habits and control bad ones. It's difficult to get rid completely so control may be more practical. One the first working day of 2017, I have done the following good things: 

- Went to gym and attended Body Attack after a long halt. The festive season is over so it's time to get back on track. The fat on my belly has been accumulated, making the body measurement report look a little alarming. My weight is 59.8kg, trunk fat level is over, weight to reduce is 4,3 kg

- On vegetable diet. I'm trying at least once per week, hoping the diet would help to detox my body. However, after the gym, my craving for sweetness again prevailed and I indulged myself in mocha egg tart. Not so yummy, won't eat it again.

- Resumed my piano lessons after 8 month break focusing on other priorities. I literally forgot everything from notes, chords, etc

It's now 11.50 pm. Time to sleep!